DomestiCurious | Exploring the adventures of domestic life and motherhood

My New Life As A Painter

January 21, 2012

A week or so ago a friend asked if I’d like to take a painting class with her at the Paint Bar. The premise behind this place is brilliant; for a reasonable price you get a canvass, paints, brushes, and a fun instructor who walks you through a given painting. They have beer, wine and snacks on sale, and you do a little painting, drink a little wine and chat with your friends.

This particular night the painting was “Funky Wine Bottles”. The “funky” painting style champions creativity over precision. This really suits my artistic stylings, which are not what you would call precise. My friend R (everydayom.com) and I found our zen painting and drinking wine. At first it felt weird to be out at night. I vaguely remembered what life was like when I used to spend nights out of the house; its amazing how quickly new parents forget their old lives and get wrapped up in the new life at home. It was the perfect first foray back into social life. It was a diverse crowd of people, no heavy drinking and the evening ended around 10. All in all a great experience. I got to get out a bit, spend time with a friend, feel a little more human and less like a shut-in, and I left with a fun painting that now graces the wall of my kitchen.

My Masterpiece

Posted by DomestiCurious in Sanity.

My New Body and Self

I understood during my pregnancy that my body was shared, and I took that very seriously, but I looked forward to giving birth so that my body would return to me. It will return to me someday, I guess, but it didn’t happen after the birth, and it will likely always be somewhat changed from the experience. I had been in good health throughout my pregnancy so my concerns were frivolous; my desires to be self sufficient insofar as tying my own shoes, or eating whatever I chose. I can’t speak for someone who experiences a vaginal birth; but my experience coming back from a c-section has been a challenge.

I was expecting to have a vaginal birth, and I was also secretly expecting to be up and about and feeling only slightly sore in the days following. In actuality, we’re four months out and although I’m tying my own shoes again I’m certainly not back to my old self. I’m looser around the middle than ever before, not to mention scarred. My ab muscles are soft and it’s difficult to suck them in. There is a numbness around the scar that is disconcerting. I’m fairly certain my hips are wider than they were before. I’m heavier than I’ve ever been and yet, in comparison to being pregnant I feel oddly empty. Not emotionally, but physically, for obvious reasons. At the same time, my arms and shoulders are muscular and strong from lugging my 15 pounder all around. Pregnant women tend to have beautiful, thick hair and strong nails from the vitamins. After A was born my nails have become more brittle and my hair has thinned a little. My back and hips are slightly broader set than before I was pregnant. My feet have grown a little. These are things that may not go back the way they were.

The physical changes are difficult to get accustomed to. I’m tired of wearing maternity jeans, but don’t fit into my old pre-pregnancy pants. I bought one pair of khakis that I fit into in the hopes that I’ll only wear them for a few months until I can fit back into my old clothes. Realistically, it took me 10 months to put on 15 pounds and it may take just as long to take them off, but I don’t want to invest in a new, bigger wardrobe.

Realistically, my body is still shared. I don’t know why I had this idea that he would be born and my body would return to me. I’m breast feeding him, so I’m still careful about my diet and only drink occasionally after he has gone to sleep. When he is scared or wakes up upset, he wants me. He is a cuddle bug, and we spend a lot of time snuggling. He sleeps more deeply when he is held, and somehow knows to wake up when I try to put him down. He prefers to be held with his head nestled in to my neck while I’m standing up, and gets agitated when I sit down. My whole physical being is dictated by this little guy. My body is not my own, and I’m starting to see that it is shared in an entirely new way that will last long after the physical separation.

It would be easy to get lost in the frustration of the changes. I can’t imagine what it must be like for women who suffer from postpartum depression; the standard baby blues and hormones are enough to deal with! The day after A was born I was feeling achy and sore. I hoped a shower would make me feel better, so L took A on a walk and I went about washing my hair. I dropped the cap to my body wash and couldn’t bend over to pick it back up. The sense of uselessness was overwhelming. Here I was, no longer pregnant, and I still couldn’t bend over to pick things up. I still needed to rely on L for minor things. The loss of independence was humiliating, and I lost it. That emotional episode was fueled by the pain medication, hormones and exhaustion, and yet it was also a revelation that parenthood in the long term is a loss of independence. I’m beginning to really appreciate the magnitude of what it is to be a mother and all the fears and hopes that parents experience on behalf of their children. The physical attachment, I’m beginning to realize, is the easy part. There is no going back to my old body or my old self; pregnancy is a transformative experience that only begins to prepare you for the changes you’ll make once you are a parent. I don’t mourn the loss of my independence anymore; I appreciate my body for what it was able to accomplish and I celebrate the changes it has undergone to get to that end. I accept my limitations and forgive them. My focus has shifted more towards the awesome realization that there is no going back.

Posted by DomestiCurious in Baby, Fitness, Relationship, Sanity.

The Anatomy of a Nickname

We didn’t know what A’s gender was before he was born. Not finding out the gender these days is almost anti-establishment. We had a number of people, from all ages, who were amazed that we could wait that long to find out, or upset that they had to wait that long to find out. ”But what will we buy for the shower?” Well, as we had hoped, everyone bought things off our gender-neutral registry and it all worked out fine. Like most people in that situation, we realized pretty early on that any time we referred to the baby as “he” or “she” people read into it. ”Oh, do you think it’s a girl?”; “Did you find out the sex?”; “Do you really want a boy?”. L gave the baby the non-specific nickname of “Little Snuggles”, which stuck through out the pregnancy, and I still call him Snuggles. It suits him. He’s this little butterball with big doe eyes, a broad smile and a love for curling up into my arms and falling asleep.

My Little Snuggles

When he arrived, L started calling him Boo Boo. That evolved into Boobs (which was very short-lived), then Bubba, Bubs, Bubby, and back to Boo Boo.

I like affectionate nicknames, but I have never really seen the point in giving someone one legal name when they only go by a different nickname. Why name your child Alexander when that name will only be used on his social security card? I know lots of people feel differently and absolutely love choosing a name because of the nicknames it comes along with. We chose A’s name because it is uncommon but no so unusual that it will be burdensome to him. It’s a beautiful name, and short. Only six letters. No typical nicknames associated. And then, to my surprise, my mother-in-law comes up with one! I was surprised by my reaction to her changing around his name. Not because I don’t like nicknames, but more because I gave my son a beautiful name that suits him, and this wasn’t it. But then my fiance started using it, and other family members, and finally, without thinking about it, I used it. And it has grown on me. I’m realizing that you give your child a name, but he will make it his. Once he forms relationships with other people it’s really out of your hands; his grandparents will give him one nickname, his father another. His friends will call him by his last name. He may chose eventually to go by some other, completely new variation at some point. But to me, he is my Little Snuggles.

Posted by DomestiCurious in Baby.

Breaking The Cycle

December 31, 2011

I’m a fan of the show “Biggest Loser”; I enjoy watching the transformation of these people both physically and emotionally over the course of the program. The best part, in my mind, is watching them grow in confidence. I really hate that they vote people off the show; I think everyone should stay until the end and benefit from the competition and working with the trainers. I’m fascinated and saddened by their personal stories, too; the former athlete or soldier gives in to an injury and stops working out but continues to eat as if they were training, or the mom is so focused on the happiness of her kids that she doesn’t give any thought to her own well being.

While I’m not super skinny I’ve always been in good shape and I’ve never been over weight. Before I was pregnant I had 5ish lbs I was interested in losing and had gotten into jogging to make that happen. During my first trimester I was so exhausted that I slowly but surely gave up the cardio in favor of regular prenatal yoga classes. Once my second trimester hit I kept up the yoga and walked regularly but I felt like a bottomless pit of hunger. One second I’d feel fine and the next I’d feel ravenous and light headed from hunger. There were a couple of weeks over the course of my pregnancy where A was going through a growth spurt and I was waking up multiple times a night to eat a bowl of cereal or whatever I could find. For the most part I made good choices; I ate a lot of veggies, fresh fruit and yogurt, but there were certainly increasingly frequent slices of pizza, pieces of candy or bowls of ice cream. By the time I was at my biggest, I had gained 15lbs above and beyond the 6lbs of baby. I refuse to think this is all fat; surely I weigh less after I’ve nursed him? But it’s hard to tell what is extra weight and what is puffiness around the c-section incision. My hips are a little wider than they were before, but some of that is that my pelvis is broader than it was before. And then yes, there is the unavoidable extra weight that just needs to come off.

Yesterday was Christmas and we were going to my mother in law’s house for lunch. After we opened presents and ate breakfast I gave A a bath and put him in his special first Christmas outfit. And then it happened. The thought ran through my mind that it didn’t really matter what I wear because everyone will be looking at the baby. Isn’t this what some of the Biggest Loser contestants told themselves? Or the people nominated for What Not to Wear? I realized how easy it would be to claim that because we just had a baby it was understandable that I’m 15lbs over weight, and as such will wear yoga pants to Christmas dinner, and then in turn how that could spiral into 30, 40, 50+ lbs overweight and wearing yoga pants everyday. It scared me. I’m still wearing my maternity jeans and on occasion have worn a long sweater over leggings in the hopes this would divert attention from my midsection “until I get my body back”. Now, let’s be realistic; I’m not chastising myself for not having it back already, I’m just recognizing that I’m at a cross roads filled with pit falls and sensitivities, and I need to get myself on the right track and away from the leggings!

Posted by DomestiCurious in Baby, Fitness, Sanity.

My Little Love

My little boy sleeps all swaddled up like a baby burrito. He hates the act of being swaddled, but he sleeps better all wrapped up. A wakes up 3 or 4 times a night to eat, and each time it starts off with a soft “eh, eh, eh” as he sleepily struggles with the wrap, then grows into a more frantic groaning as he tries to free one arm and then the next. Even when he naps without the swaddle my baby wakes up like a lion. He has never woken up gently. He’s an active sleeper, too. He grunts, groans, snorts and coughs his way through the night. Then, once he’s out of but, there is a symphony of snorts and groans as he stretches and arches his body, finally free from his swaddled chains.

This (very early) morning, he managed to work one arm out through the swaddle. I heard him starting to fuss so I scooped him up and helped him latch on. As he nurses, his free arm sleepily strokes my side, and his grunts turn from agitated to hums of calm satisfaction. A doesn’t mind eating from a bottle and he is usually good about sleeping on his own, but it is evident in him tone that he much prefers things this way, nestled in and cozy with his mum. I love these quiet moments between us where he is content and quiet. I love the way his soft, chubby hand rubs my side and arm; a quiet recognition of his appreciation for me. The days when he won’t want to hold my hand anymore or even the thought of a disagreement between us seems so remote.

Posted by DomestiCurious in Baby.

Target Misfires

December 23, 2011

I like places like Target in principle; who doesn’t want one stop shopping and good deals? In reality, though, I find big box stores a frustrating experience. I was at a Target a few weeks ago with my baby. When I couldn’t find what I was looking for, I had a hard time finding staff to help me. To be clear, I could find staff, but no one was helpful. The teenage girls I found seemed more concerned with catching up on each other’s weekend then answering my question. When I went through the check out aisle A had decided he had had enough of being in the baby carrier and started to fuss. Unfortunately, I also noticed that a hinge was broken on the hamper I was buying, so in the interest of time I asked that it be removed from my purchase so I could get the baby moving. Instead, the woman at the check out counter insisted that she call someone in the back and have them bring a new one out. Over A’s cries I told her that I’d only like it if they could bring it out quickly, and she assured me they would as she finished ringing me up. Then I waited for 15 minutes with a screaming baby while other shoppers glared at me until someone brought the hamper out to me.

I was disappointed by Target last year when it came out that the company was talking a good game on equal rights of gay employees while quietly funding a political fund that was backed by a Minnesota gubernatorial candidate who opposed gay rights. Again, today, I’m disappointed in Target’s stance on human rights; a new Facebook campaign has been launched in response to the apparent harassment of a woman trying to breast feed in a Houston location by Target employees. The fact that they “tried to embarrass” the woman from her “exhibitionism” is appalling to me as a breast feeding mother. Even though it is legally protected, I’m not someone who feels personally comfortable breast feeding in public. I have a modesty curtain that I use even in my new moms group. I can’t even imagine how vulnerable I would have felt, trying to comfort my child while dealing with ignorant people objectifying me. I have really only nursed A in public when I have a friend with me; safety in numbers makes you feel less vulnerable I suppose. That said, if A was hungry and something needed to be done, his needs trump my discomfort.

Just yesterday my fiance, A and I stopped by a Cheesecake Factory around 3pm for a snack. L and I were famished; he is on vacation and we had had a late breakfast and no lunch. I had nursed A before we went out, but he was a little fussy once we sat down at our booth. L asked if I had packed a bottle and I said no, but that if need be I had my breast feeding curtain and would nurse him. L looked dubious, but being in a large, mostly empty space with dim lighting would be discrete enough for me. In the end, A was very happy playing with his links and didn’t nurse until we were back at home, but I felt a little annoyed that my fiance was put off by the idea of breast feeding in a public place.

I can appreciate that some people find breast feeding off-putting; breast feeding has gone in and out of vogue with American women over the years, and the percentages of babies breast fed are no where near what the CDC would like them to be. Women tend to be discrete, myself included, to the extent that I’ll go in another room if we have people over. Perhaps if we took the stigma out of this healthy, important process in the home, we could start to take the stigma out of it in public? Given all we know about the importance of breast feeding and the lack of women doing it, you would like that big box stores that cater to families would find it in their interest, if not as a part of their values then at least as a business model, to reach out to the mom community. You would think in the total 222,420,000 square feet of Target stores there would be space for a small customer privacy room.

Posted by DomestiCurious in Baby.

Cute And Sassy Mom On The Go

December 19, 2011

After three months of wearing yoga pants and cleaning spit up out of my long, dry hair, I decided to spend a day out for myself. L had been pushing me from the start to spend a little time out of the house without A, but I was hesitant for several reasons. Recovering from a c-section is hard work, pumping enough for A while I am out is challenging, and I really miss him when we’re apart. My motivation to finally do it was threefold; I really want L and A to spend some good bonding time alone together, I want L to have a good appreciation of what it is like to be alone with him for a substantial amount of time, and I am tired of looking like the troll that lives under the bridge.

The more I think about spending time alone, the longer my list of things I’d like to do becomes. I kiss my boys good bye and head off to drop my engagement ring at the jeweler’s to be sized. L proposed in the heat of the summer when I was 9 months pregnant. In the past three months my fingers have shrunk back down to their normal size, and my ring was uncomfortably loose. That done, I walk down to the salon for a hair cut. The split ends were out numbering the healthy strands. I was feeling the need for a serious change to jog me out of my frumpy life. I asked my stylist to chop off 5 inches and turn me into a cute and sassy mom on the go. I knew if it was short enough not to put into a pony or a bun it would force me to keep it somewhat styled and fun.

I’ve switched up my diaper bag style as well. Walking around town with a 15lb baby, a purse and a diaper bag had been making me feel like a pack mule, so I transfered to one giant tote for my wallet, phone, diapers and all. This was a super on sale purchase from the Kate Spade outlet so I’m feeling stylish and organized.

After my refreshing hair cut I was off to get a mani-pedi (my new fav Essie polish “Smokin’ Hot”), an eyebrow wax and sushi with a friend. By the time I got home I was still tired, but there no more spit up in my hair and I was looking and feeling more like my former self. And best of all, I missed L and A and couldn’t wait to give them kisses. For his part, A was a little confused by this woman who looked and smelled a little different, but excited nonetheless. My boys had an awesome day together, and we all felt excited to come back together.

Posted by DomestiCurious in Baby, Relationship, Sanity.

My Beautiful Baby Boy

December 14, 2011

I can’t describe how I feel about my new little guy, but I’ll try. He’s beautiful and healthy. The word that comes closest is ‘awestruck’; he’s something I dreamed about as a little girl, talked about with my fiance, and now, out of nowhere, he is here. We created this living and breathing being, and he wouldn’t be here without us. He has gotten so big and he is learning new things all the time. In the three months that he has been here, he has gained 8.5lbs, over twice his birth weight. He recognizes our voices and smiles at us. He coos in response to my questions. I feel so lucky to have a bright and healthy little boy.

My little turkey on Thanksgiving

Because we’re together all the time it’s hard for me to notice some of the smaller changes. During Thanksgiving we were surrounded by family members clamoring for time with him. It was so nice to share the responsibility of being with him with others, but I also got the chance to miss him. Being away from him made me realize how much I love our time together and how much I love snuggling with him.

All the cliches about new parenthood are so true; it is the hardest job you’ll ever love and he is my new best friend. L and I are tired, and we would love a good night’s rest, but I wouldn’t begrudge my little guy middle of the night feedings and snuggles. I can’t imagine what it will be like when he is older and doesn’t want to hold my hand. He has just discovered that he can manipulate his hands and has started to grasp my fingers.

The experience of carrying a healthy baby has given me newfound pride in myself. I ate healthfully and exercised, but it is humbling to know that your body knows what to do and does it without thinking. The experience also brought out the best in my fiance. L was so caring and supportive. He was always willing to rub my back or my feet. He prepared food and cleaned up after me. He patiently waited to feel the baby kick and was so excited to meet him. During labor he kept his calm, talked me through it and did everything I asked of him.

Having a baby has given me pride in my body and brought out the best in my fiance. I’m so excited to be a mom and I can’t wait to see what he will learn and do next!

Posted by DomestiCurious in Baby.

Baby friendly spots

We have taken A with us out to brunches and lunches, but no dinners thus far. I find that off hours for meals are quieter in restaurants and so easier to negotiate a stroller through restaurants and easier to find a quiet corner where it won’t matter if the baby is a little fussy.

As residents of downtown Boston, we are challenged in that a lot of older spots don’t have access for strollers given the narrow spaces and stairs. We are regulars at the Back Bay Social Club; the food is delicious but it is also spacious enough that we can always find a free corner where we can put the stroller and not worry about disturbing other patrons. We’ve also found Atlantic Fish, Wagamama, and Aquitaine to be accommodating, relatively easy to get into and delicious. We’re also regulars at the Corner Tavern, but only on days we have A in the baby carrier because the only way in is down a flight of stairs.

I’ve been impressed by the number of places that reach out to the new parent set. I’m a huge fan of Isis Parenting‘s classes. A and I do mommy-baby yoga there every week, and we had a great experience in our Great Beginnings class. We also tried Stroller Strides, which was really fun.

Two great local theaters offer matinees of new releases for people with babies in tow; they don’t turn the lights off and the sound is turned down and baby noises of all kinds are welcome at Box Office Babies at the Coolidge Corner Theatre or Baby Friendly Matinees at the Somerville Theatre.

New moms groups and resources abound, too. Boston Mamas is an awesome local resource, as is Garden Moms.

Has anyone else found other great local resources or baby friendly activities? A and I would love to join new activities or find new ways to connect with other young families!

Posted by DomestiCurious in Baby, Fitness, Food.

New Mom Fitness

I had not so secretly been hoping that breast feeding would shrink my body right back down, Heidi Klum style, in the weeks following A’s birth. Of course, I didn’t have a Heidi Klum body to begin with, so this hope was unrealistic on a number of levels. During my pregnancy I had tried to stay fit, watching my diet and regularly getting in long walks and prenatal yoga. A is now 3 months old and I’m still carting around an extra 15-ish lbs. Granted, maybe 5 of those lbs is milk and extra boob. The lack of muscle tone in my abs left from my c-section doesn’t help either; I feel stretched out and flabby. A and I are regulars at Isis Parenting‘s new moms core and mommy-baby yoga classes. We tried Stroller Strides boot camp once, but 9:30 meet ups is too early when A is up multiple times during the night. I’ve also taken a few spinning classes at the gym after L gets home from work, but it is challenging to keep my motivation up at that hour of the day.

A year ago October I ran a half marathon with my mom. She kicked my a$$; she is way more fit than I am and was much more dedicated to training. Clearly, this October I was home with a two week old and recovering from a c-section, but I have a goal of getting back into shape enough to run it next October. I know the challenge of staying motivated will only get worse as I prepare to return to work. L and I were talking the other day about how he would like to go to the gym, but he has a hard time rationalizing spending more time outside the house when he’s been at work all day. He and I used to go to the gym together, and now we have to alternate so someone can be home with A. Ideally, I would like to find something that he and I can do together. Once A is older and we can put him in the jogger we’ll be able to take jogs together, but until then we’re trying to go on nice walks as much as possible.

All bundled up to go out and see the holiday lights

Last night I bundled up A and put him in the stroller to go meet Daddy after work. We took a nice walk and looked at the holiday lights. L picked him up so he could have a better view; A was so stimulated by the lights and the chilly air that when we tried to put him back in his stroller he freaked out. He had a great time, and we all enjoyed the walk together.

I went to Boston Mamas in search of motivation. They have a section on fitness that I thought could provide some inspiration. They have listed a few motivational websites including the Couch to 5K program to get back into running and the Daily Mile to help track your runs. A friend suggested Fitocracy, a website that turns workouts into a social game. I think I’ll use a combination of these to get myself organized and to get some peer pressure to act as motivation to get the training started. My plan is to start running in the New Year.

As of today I’m going to start more regular yoga and pilates. Because I want something for L and me to do together, I’m going to continue the classes at Isis but add in yoga or pilates dvds after L gets home from work so we have the option of doing them together. I think we should also try to implement family walks more often!

Posted by DomestiCurious in Baby, Fitness.

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